10 Songs Everybody Loves. Except Me.

 

“Stairway to Heaven” – Led Zeppelin

Quite possibly the number one offender in this category. Sure, Led Zeppelin were rock gods, but they were also massive dorks and “Stairway to Heaven” might be the dorkiest song (besides any song by Weird Al) to ever achieve mainstream popularity. If getting to heaven required taking a stairway with this song playing, count me out.

“Piano Man” – Billy Joel

I’ve come around a bit to Billy Joel in recent years, but I still find “Piano Man” abysmal.  It really might be the worst song that Elton John never wrote. For some reason, this song causes people in bars to go completely nuts and act as if they’ve never heard the song before, even though it was most likely played from the bar they just came from.

“You Shook Me All Night Long” – AC/DC

If you’ve heard one AC/DC song you’ve heard them all.  This just happens to be the one that I heard at various dances throughout high school and college.  The main riff is unimaginative and Brian Johnston’s vocals sound like squirrel choking on an acorn.

“American Pie” – Don McClean

There’s only one thing worse than “American Pie” and that’s Madonna’s version of “American Pie”.  The whole song is corny and goes on forever. It could have been a nice tribute to Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper.  Instead, McClean attempts to out-Dylan Bob Dylan by referring to Dylan as “the jester”.

“Free Falling” – Tom Petty

Tom Petty is the Patron Saint of anyone who has ever sang and played guitar on open-mic night.  “Free Falling'” just coasts along and never achieves that feeling of letting yourself go.  As for the lyrics, it’s the equivalent of those inspirational sticky-notes or internet memes.

“Crash Into Me” – Dave Matthews Band

I probably hate this song because just about everyone I knew in high school and many others in college adored this song. But really,  it just meanders and the chord progression is grating. Also any song that ends with “I’m the king of the castle” can’t be taken seriously.

“Hotel California”

The Dude said it best: “I hate the fucking Eagles, man.”

“Build Me Up Buttercup” – The Foundations

Third-rate Soul by a British band attempting to sound authentic.  I’ve had people tell me that they love Motown and Soul music and then tell me this is their favorite song.  I can’t forgive There’s Something About Mary for reintroducing this song to my generation.

“In the Mood” – Glenn Miller

You know how Kenny G is categorized as jazz?  Miller’s “In the Mood” is like the Kenny G of the 1940s.

“Bohemian Rhapsody” – Queen

Even as a fan of Pete Townshend and his flirtations with the rock opera, I find Queen’s signature song to be over the top and pretentious. Like McClean’s “American Pie” it could be a good song, but its execution grates on me. As for “opera”(made famous in Wayne’s World) part I find to be more clunky than amusing as most other people do.

 

 

 

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18 thoughts on “10 Songs Everybody Loves. Except Me.

  1. Sean

    Good list.

    Stones: “You can’t always get what you want.” Favorite when I was in college due to the Big Chill. What an awful movie. Grating song.

    “Sweet Caroline.” “Nuff Said.

    1. Matt Satterfield Post author

      What? “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”? Ok, I can totally understand disliking it due to The Big Chill. That’s a terrible movie. As for the song I’d rank it as one of the Stones’ best.

      Oh yeah “Sweet Carolina” and any Neil Diamond for that matter. Though I have a soft spot for “America” due to its inclusion on “Reading Rainbow”.

  2. Julie

    I’m pretty sure that every time a drunk person sings “Piano Man”, the baby Jesus cries. Also Dave Matthews, his band, and all known recordings of his songs could disappear from the face of the earth, and I would count that as a good day.

          1. Matt Satterfield Post author

            I won’t argue with you about “I am the Walrus”. I happen to think its fantastic. If you said that “All You Need is Love” or “Yellow Submarine” then you might have more of a case. I like them, but they’re certainly not among the Beatles’ best songs.

  3. Kevin

    Harsh stuff. I agree with most of these, but I think you’re too hard on Tom Petty. I’m not a fan, but the lyrics are much more complex than internet memes or inspirational sticky-notes. He’s singing from the perspective of a teenager, so the lyrics are somewhat ironic. That kind of ironic tension, while hardly profound, is at least vaguely interesting. It might not be Dylan, but it’s not trying to be. Also, what do you mean by “that feeling of just letting yourself go”?

    On the other hand, “a squirrel choking on an acorn” is a perfect description.

  4. Kevin

    Harsh stuff. I agree with most of these, but I think you’re too hard on Tom Petty. I’m not a fan, but the lyrics are much more complex than internet memes or inspirational sticky-notes. He’s singing from the perspective of a teenager, so the lyrics are somewhat ironic. That kind of ironic tension, while hardly profound, is at least vaguely interesting. It might not be Dylan, but it’s not trying to be. Also, what do you mean by “that feeling of just letting yourself go”?

    On the other hand, “a squirrel choking on an acorn” is a perfect description. Very well said.

    1. Matt Satterfield Post author

      I could have picked any Petty song. Yeah maybe I’m not objective on this one, but I wasn’t objective on Zeppelin either and you didn’t call me out on that.

      Glad you liked the squirrel line. I was proud of that one.

      1. Kevin

        Fair enough, but “Stairway” is an objectively terrible song. I can understand your hatred of Petty–Wednesday nights at Bushwallers will do that to you. “Free Falling” just never really bothered me.

        “Jungleland” tops my list. The greatest song Meat Loaf never recorded.

        1. Matt Satterfield Post author

          I come and go on “Jungleland”. Though the sax solo is pretty brilliant.

          Going back to Zeppelin – I wish I had been a rock critic in the 1970s when all the rock critics hated them. Now they’ve all seemed to come around. Which I’m not opposed to in general (after all they’ve vindicated The Stooges which I’m all for). But Zeppelin is so overblown. The Stones were always better for blues inspired rock.

          1. Kevin

            Don’t limit it to the Stones: Cream, The Animals, Hendrix, The Paul Butterfield Blues Band, The Jeff Beck Group, The Yardbirds, etc. I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t even think Led Zeppelin was Jimmy Page’s best band.

          2. Matt Satterfield Post author

            I wasn’t discounting those groups – I just happen to think that the Stones were/are the best interpreters of the blues in rock. I love the Animals as well as some Cream (their cover of “Crossroads” is fantastic).

            It’s also worth noting that Clapton, Beck and the Stones have received accolades from blues artists themselves. I’m not so sure that Page has received the same – from what I’ve seen. Of course maybe that has to do with the fact that Richards loves playing…and will show up at numerous places.

  5. Nick

    You nailed each one of these. I also saw “Sweet Caroline” in the comments and have to give that an honorable mention – it makes me cringe everytime I have to hear it at Pitt games.

    Also very glad to see “Bohemian Rhapsody” included. Hate that song.

      1. Sean

        I have to deal with Sox fans up here. It’s either Sweet Caroline or or that sorry Pogues cover band, Murphys.

        Since Sox are bad, less Caroline. So that is a good thing….

        Oh, one more: “Ebony and Ivory” Paul and Stevie. Wretched. Well, maybe everyone hates that…

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